I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize