my vag is so smooth its legendary
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
