Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
