i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
she smelled like a LAN party
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
