Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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