guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
