I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Two words: blizzard sex
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
