Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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