Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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