it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
