Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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