They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
