Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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