I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
