i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
