fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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