his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
