im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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