fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
