don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
