Don't make out with my wife yet
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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