Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
