I think I won the penis lottery.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
