nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i now understand why vodka
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
