All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I have tasted many bathrooms
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