life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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