I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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