i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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