hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
