Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
