Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
