drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You took a bar mat shot.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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