whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize