I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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