i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
