Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
