you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize