I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
