Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
