K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
