SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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