Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
