you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
