dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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