No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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