just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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