My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
