just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
