I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
