i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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