She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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