So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
