somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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