Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
