Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
