when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
