: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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