My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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