help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
birth control should be required to get into college
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
