Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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