What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
