roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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