remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
