Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
