You made me cry and you don't even care
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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