She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
