I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I have aggressive nipples.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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