oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Panties = found
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