Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
