We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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