The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
