i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
