Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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